


Ocean Blue

by PrincessAmericaChavez



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Fjord has a lot of thoughts about what happened, Pining, Post Episode 33, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 18:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15935582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessAmericaChavez/pseuds/PrincessAmericaChavez
Summary: Fjord can't sleep after the day's revelations as he worries that he may not be able to protect someone he loves from heartache.





	Ocean Blue

Fjord sighs, staring at the bedroom’s ceiling. He can’t sleep. He can sleep in nearly any space. He’s used to going from a swinging hammock in a ship, to a hard inn’s bed, to the even harder floor. This bed, however, is too damn comfortable and he can’t sleep. He sinks between the fluffy pillows and softly scented sheets and his body fights back. Maybe he just isn’t made for the gentle things in life.

It’d be easier if his mind would just stand still, instead of bouncing around rattled by everything he learnt today. He thinks of the Ruby of the Sea’s presentation, of wonderful music filling the air and lighting up the world. He thinks of Jester’s mother —because the two seem to him like separate entities— smiling warmly at them with an openess that only her daughter mirrors. He thinks of the Gentleman —Jester’s  _father_ , apparently— and everything this new revelation brings to light. He thinks of Jester, mostly, of the pain and confusion in her eyes.

For longer than Fjord can remember, he’s wanted to know about his parents, longed for a face or a name or at least the smallest detail to fill the empty space in his chest where a family should be. Seeing Jester hurt tonight, though, for the first time he wonders what he would do with that information, if he found out like this. What would he do if the person he’d searched for all along was suddenly there and unwilling to even recognize him? He has no clue, no answer. All he knows is he wants to help Jester, shield her from whatever heartache this might bring her.

Her mother knows. One look, a single touch, and Mariane Lavorre could read him like an open book, see how badly he wants to be enough, how he wants to protect her daughter. What would she do if she knew that he already failed at it, though? He doubts Jester would’ve mentioned it, but can she tell? Can she see that failure in him, too?

Fjord rolls over in the bed, buries his face in the fluffy pillow and muffles a groan. Then he pushes off it and stands up. He walks to the window and opens it wide. The salty night breeze hits his face like a welcoming kiss. Bellow him, the sleeping city expands like a beautiful maze. He can’t imagine having this view forever. He’d go insane locked in here every day… but damn if it isn’t a breathtaking view.

Before him, the sea extends in all of its never-ending glory, shining with the full moons like a silver plate. The constant murmur of the distant waves washes over him soothingly. He wasn’t lying when he told Caleb that he would be content living the rest of his life by the sea. It’s the only place that’s ever felt like home to him.

Figures, he scoffs to himself deep inside with words he’ll never speak out loud, that the first person to feel like home to him had to be a girl with ocean blue skin and salt water rushing through her veins.

There’s so much he wants to do. So much he  _has_  to do, still. The deaths of Vandrin and the rest of his crew — _Fjord’s_  crew— weight on him like an anchor. He wants payback. He wants answers. He wants to figure out what happened to them, to him, so that their souls and his might finally find peace. He’s painfully aware of the reasons he had to come back to the coast, feels the urge to deal with his pending business as swiftly as possible, and yet…

And yet he knows what he has to do first. The one thing he can do to help Jester and her mother, protect them, give them peace so that they may never know the loss he carries. That’s one thing he can do. He  _has_  to. The goal forms before him, solid and reachable, and he clings to it like a drowning man. He may not be able to protect Jester from her bloodline, but he can do this.

Once his mind is made, the drive and resolution of it bring much desired silence to his mind. His head feels clearer than before. A new goal, a clear path for now. With that, he crawls back into bed, leaving the windows open so that the familiar waves may lull him to sleep.

As he falls asleep, his mind conjures one final image. The Ruby’s performance. He sees the dimly lit room, the long white stairwell, feels the patrons holding their breath, but when the lights flicker and the music starts the singing voice is familiar and the figure descending is blue, like the ocean.


End file.
